So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
