I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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