That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
