just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
