Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
