I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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