my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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