kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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