I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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