she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
