i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize