I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
