too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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