these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
