i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
