The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
