i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The power of my boobs compel you
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
