Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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