So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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