making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
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he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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