I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
