apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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