I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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