I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
