I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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