This girl is more easily done than said...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
