Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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