After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
