with your own penis?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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