Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Randomize
