You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
