I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
