Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
