Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
