During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
