matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think I sprained my soul last night
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize