It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I love you.
Bad choice
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
