I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize
