im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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