Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
