I feel great
I just peed on a car
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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