wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
