I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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