ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
