I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
