You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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