so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
