No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
