Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
