Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
