you traded sex for a burrito?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize