I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
