i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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