***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
