sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
worst night to have a conscience
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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