this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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