Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
