You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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