We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
