True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
