They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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