Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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