If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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