I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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