She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
