It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
