Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
NoShamevember. You game?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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