ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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