; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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