I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
