We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
