They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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